*Disclaimer: This post is from July 24, 2011. Yep…kicking myself. This was timely, and I got in the way of it’s message. So I’m posting it now. No pics. Just my truth. I’d say enjoy, but I’d rather you feel me. So…Feel.*
Today is Sunday. And I am sitting inside a dark house under the AC. Because it is a code red in the nation’s capital, and after two days of going in and out of the sun, I decided that I was going to spare myself the discomfort of yet another heat-induced migraine!
Sunday is more than the name of the day that starts the beginning of our week. Named after the Sun- an entity that represents light, sustenance, rejuvenation, fresh starts, enlightenment, and all things bright and shiny- it is a day of rest and preparation for the upcoming week as well.
For me, Sunday is all of those things, and then some. A few weeks ago, it meant spending hours in front of the computer as I raced to meet midnight deadlines for school. It meant bracing myself for the busy Monday morning at work, where Mondays are bad enough without it being a Monday in a medical office with people who were always in a state of crisis. It meant wanting to cook elaborate Sunday dinners, eat until I was sure I was sinning, take a nap, wake up to movies and laughter with family, and just being easy.
Today is no different. My plan was to attend a morning Kundalini Yoga class, but I overslept because I was out late the night before. I woke up to more housework than I cared to acknowledge, and a child with a cold. I have hair and laundry to wash, a house to clean, and passages to write. So far, I’ve managed to order a pizza, spend money that I shouldn’t, and be unable to concentrate on anything while my son plays his favorite video game.
Which brought me to a question for myself: Why Do You Do What You Do?
Why? Why do you invite inspiration into your life…and then neglect it? Why do you pray for and practice observation and intuition…only to ignore it? Why do you recognize your purpose…but then co-opt it? Why do you pray for more time…and then waste it?
Do you? Do you really want the things you pray for, or are you so use to praying for and wanting more that it has become a part of the thing that you ‘do’?
Do what? Are you still trying to figure out what you are supposed to be doing? It’s normal to bloom late in life, but I think it’s tragic when we can’t at least see the red thread that runs through our experiences.
I’ll give you an example: When I was little, I wanted to be an author (I have been writing since I was 6 years old). When I became a teenager, I wanted to be an attorney, with dreams of being a politician. I interned with city and county officials and even worked on a political campaign while in high school. Somewhere along the way, my passion turned towards African history and culture. After that, I answered the call for education, and began training in Montessori education. Then I turned my sights towards business management, and now I am pursuing an MBA in Economic Crime and Fraud Management.
What the hell?
Before you suggest I take the equivalent of Career Vyvanse to address my professional ADHD, remember that I live a very purpose driven life (though not all the time on purpose). My job is to get in tuned with my spirit. My profession is my faith that upliftment and liberation of oppressed populations will change the world for the better. My career is to seek those individuals and opportunities that show me myself, my truth, and the truth of the world around me. My purpose is to aid in the healing of women, children, and families above all else.
That’s what I do.
You do? Yes, I do. I touch hearts, minds, and lives whether I mean to or not. Whether I realize it or not. I have an ability, and it’s raw and it’s pure. It sustains me and motivates me and above all else, it encourages me. Others do what I do, but nobody can do it the way I do it. I’m learning that day by day. Spirit is waiting for me to believe thoroughly and truly, and to stop seeking the long way around to get to the blessing with my name on it.
Can you have this same conversation with yourself?
This is not about self promotion. I am Te Coracao (Your Heart). This comes from my heart to yours.